we dont have actual foods in our fridge. but we do have enough condiments to survive armageddon. three types of mustard. two types of soy sauce. veggie drawer filled with beer.edit: i spy five types of mustard in these pix
Monday, August 31, 2009
bachelor pad
we dont have actual foods in our fridge. but we do have enough condiments to survive armageddon. three types of mustard. two types of soy sauce. veggie drawer filled with beer.edit: i spy five types of mustard in these pix
condoms: the wrap up
Monday, August 17, 2009
already making good on those promises
all that talk about the internets really got me jonsin and after checking my horoscope i found this gem on craigslist missed connections. they are all pretty whack (although thank you to whoever it was that posted one about me (!!!) last fall, i was too creeped out to reply but it really did sort of make my day... and apparently my year, because im here writing about it now...) but this one is truly a homage to sucking at life. the real question is if by "sparx" she meant "sparks" and by "sparks" i mean the caffeinated malt liquor, not tiny electrical/ emotional currents...
Date: 2009-08-06, 11:08PM EDT
I saw you tonight at KMart. You were wearing a red employees polo shirt and had lnog dark hair and a little gotea. you looked like somewhere in your 20s (about the same as me!). I was the squat cheerful looking redhead drinking a moolatte and wearing a grey ESPRIT tshirt with the sleeves cut off and kakhi capri pants. i asked you if you carried blow up pool toys shaped like ducks cuz my kids have been driving me nuts. you pointed to the middle of the store and said if we have them they are there. call me crazy, but i felt the sparx. i know theres only a small chance youll read this but i can't get you out of my mind. If you felt the chemistry like I did lets talk. I bet we have a lot in common. I have a minivan and im a great cook. maybe i can come over and make you a delicious super sometime like baked mac and cheese. :)
handsome kamart man - w4m - 20 (cromwell)
Date: 2009-08-06, 11:08PM EDT
I saw you tonight at KMart. You were wearing a red employees polo shirt and had lnog dark hair and a little gotea. you looked like somewhere in your 20s (about the same as me!). I was the squat cheerful looking redhead drinking a moolatte and wearing a grey ESPRIT tshirt with the sleeves cut off and kakhi capri pants. i asked you if you carried blow up pool toys shaped like ducks cuz my kids have been driving me nuts. you pointed to the middle of the store and said if we have them they are there. call me crazy, but i felt the sparx. i know theres only a small chance youll read this but i can't get you out of my mind. If you felt the chemistry like I did lets talk. I bet we have a lot in common. I have a minivan and im a great cook. maybe i can come over and make you a delicious super sometime like baked mac and cheese. :)
party party party party party
at left please note the beautiful "Hartford Parties Harder" flexible bottle sleeve that someone brought with them to whatever bar it was that i was drinking three jack and cokes with lemon and a red bull. its that sort of commitment to consistent beverage temperature and city pride that the Hartford Party Starters' Union is increasingly famous for. more on them in a bit...ive said it before, and ill say it again, the best thing about being a "blogger" on a site about sucking at life is that the less you do, the more legit you are. look around here. we are sooo legit. too legit maybe? my shitty computer has not wanted to make love to the internets for months now, so all of my compulsive computing (ooooh you know, facebook, myspace, craigslist missed connections, adult friend finder, google imaging former lovers...) has mostly been done on grrrrl monster's computer when she forgets it in the living room. i promise i will try to get that thing back on line asapers so i can share all these camera phone pix i have of used condoms in gutters, discarded party size pizza boxes, and wrecked living rooms.
in the meantime, we're adding the hartford party starters to the blogs we read, (edit: we will soon) because theyve added us, and also because they are sort of awesome. theyve even invited us to post a bit, but im not sure that ill have much to contribute, as im way more of a party crasher than a starter. If the blogosphere was your first semester living in a dorm, they are the sexy senior boys that buy you keystone light, invite you over for beer pong, and tell you everything that's going on on campus and we are the friendly girls down the hall with plush bean bag for you to sit in and dish about that hook up with the president of phi beta alpha delta whatever. more simply put: they are the pregame, we are the hangover. also, no more college-life extended metaphors, i promise.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Product Review: Arbor Mist
lately, short walks in our neighborhood have been getting grrl monster and i into some trouble. on monday night we decided to go for a little stroll and a bite to eat. By the time everything was said and done, we had split two bottles of wine, three maker's marks on the rocks (ok, so i drank most of them) and two beers. last night, a jaunt to CVS brought us to our local liquor store.
since we hadnt actually planned on going there, we were sort of scatterbrained and unsure what to buy. luckily, the guy that works there is a total doll and is always happy to help us figure out what we want. "I dont know why you guys always act like you dont know what you are going to get, you always just end up with a bottle of whiskey." he joked.
but this is not whiskey weather. its not even beer weather. there is only one antidote for shitty rainy days in the summer time, and it is arbor mist. i choose the island fruits pinot grigio and the blackberry merlot, you know, so we could be really classy and have a red and a white option. our babeilicious purveyor had this excellent advice, "when i throw a party i always buy this stuff and put it in those silver party bags with ribbons so people cant tell what it is. everyone is like: oooooh this is so delicious, because they dont know what it is. if they knew it was arbor mist they'd think it was gross. but its not. its good. serve it with ice cubes. its perfect."
the people over at AM agree. their tasting notes from the website explain: Exotic Fruits White Zinfandel: Classic White Zinfandel meets tangy raspberry, lime and plum. Refreshing and light, a perfect blend of naturally tart fruit and semi-dry wine flavors. This flavor is best served chilled. Actually, they strongly encourage chilling all of their varietals...
as we drank grrl monster curled her lip and commented "oooh this really is too sweet. maybe i only like the merlot one. this is like drinking candy" but i could barely hear hear because i had drank half the bottle and was already transported to whatever magical tropical island it is where the pinot grigio island fruits grow, fully ignoring the police sirens and relative humidity that can make summer times in our fair city less than enjoyable.
conclusion: arbor mists are the most delicious of guilty pleasures and taste best with frozen pizzas or chips directly from the bag. they are incredibly sweet, so pretend you are actually drinking candy, not wine. also, if you have a tub, i will say that they most relaxing and enjoyable thing to do, ever, is to take a bath and drink an entire bottle, from the bottle.
also, i highly recommend google-imaging arbor mist if you love to see pictures of women in sweats alone in the kitchen chugging from the bottle and/or sorority girls pregaming for formals. this beverage is THE beverage for people who suck at life and are proud of it.
since we hadnt actually planned on going there, we were sort of scatterbrained and unsure what to buy. luckily, the guy that works there is a total doll and is always happy to help us figure out what we want. "I dont know why you guys always act like you dont know what you are going to get, you always just end up with a bottle of whiskey." he joked.
but this is not whiskey weather. its not even beer weather. there is only one antidote for shitty rainy days in the summer time, and it is arbor mist. i choose the island fruits pinot grigio and the blackberry merlot, you know, so we could be really classy and have a red and a white option. our babeilicious purveyor had this excellent advice, "when i throw a party i always buy this stuff and put it in those silver party bags with ribbons so people cant tell what it is. everyone is like: oooooh this is so delicious, because they dont know what it is. if they knew it was arbor mist they'd think it was gross. but its not. its good. serve it with ice cubes. its perfect."
the people over at AM agree. their tasting notes from the website explain: Exotic Fruits White Zinfandel: Classic White Zinfandel meets tangy raspberry, lime and plum. Refreshing and light, a perfect blend of naturally tart fruit and semi-dry wine flavors. This flavor is best served chilled. Actually, they strongly encourage chilling all of their varietals...
as we drank grrl monster curled her lip and commented "oooh this really is too sweet. maybe i only like the merlot one. this is like drinking candy" but i could barely hear hear because i had drank half the bottle and was already transported to whatever magical tropical island it is where the pinot grigio island fruits grow, fully ignoring the police sirens and relative humidity that can make summer times in our fair city less than enjoyable.
conclusion: arbor mists are the most delicious of guilty pleasures and taste best with frozen pizzas or chips directly from the bag. they are incredibly sweet, so pretend you are actually drinking candy, not wine. also, if you have a tub, i will say that they most relaxing and enjoyable thing to do, ever, is to take a bath and drink an entire bottle, from the bottle.
also, i highly recommend google-imaging arbor mist if you love to see pictures of women in sweats alone in the kitchen chugging from the bottle and/or sorority girls pregaming for formals. this beverage is THE beverage for people who suck at life and are proud of it.
Friday, August 7, 2009
ranch dressing porn
there is a really nice little ranch dressing glamor shot on Vice's "do" list. as you might know, our own little blog was lovingly conceived during a three day pizza, ranch dressing, and beer bender so pop culture references to the king of the condiments always sort of warm our hearts.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
responsible banking
bank of america avaliable balance: $5.74
pack of cigarettes at the corner store 2 am friday morning: $5.79
overdrawing your bank account by 5 cents: priceless
pack of cigarettes at the corner store 2 am friday morning: $5.79
overdrawing your bank account by 5 cents: priceless
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)