There's nothing more delightfully nostalgic than a built in glass cabinet displaying your collection of childhood boardgames. Not 1, not 2 but 3 sets of Twister ensures that this thinly veiled excuse for dry humping cum game "that ties you up in knots" will erupt into an adult twisted tea fueled orgy, which, thanks to the multiple cases of roach traps, will not be interrupted by any unsightly vermin. Proudly displaying your affection for childhood gameplay says "I'm fun and fiercely competitive." Proudly displaying your vintage 1980s Muhammed Ali Roach traps says "Chuh, I'm an urban dweller who sometimes sucks at life..or maybe I'm just over-identifying with Gregor Samsa."

labor day party time

so its the sunday before labor day and the entire free world is invited to a cookout at the lake and taking boat rides and getting tans and drinking he last of the summer beers and grilling burgers with their friends.

me? i just get home from work, put on sweats, make pasta, have a bud dry and try to catch up on mad men on demand. suddenly my phone rings! its my roomie, grrrrrl monster, "soooo are you up to anything?" oooh you know im just blogging and getting quality time with the kitties. "good. i just rented rachel getting married. will you watch it with me?" uuummmm duh! and the goodies she rolled home with were soo suck-at-life-tastic that i was like dude, we gotta put this on the blog. note the scratch ticket.

suck at feminism

we've already tried to figure out how and why there are so many used condoms lining the streets, and now this! a brassiere! are people really just ripping their clothes off and having protected sex in the middle of the road? and then leaving the evidence? so we can all get jealous? because we are not so spontaneous? and confine sex acts to private spaces? like puritans!

or maybe whilst speeding around our fair city some woman just realized she was sick of The Man trying to keep her titties in check and threw that poorly-designed garment of oppression right out the window?

bachelor pad

we dont have actual foods in our fridge. but we do have enough condiments to survive armageddon. three types of mustard. two types of soy sauce. veggie drawer filled with beer.

edit: i spy five types of mustard in these pix

drunk notes from last night dot com

condoms: the wrap up

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i do not wish to imply that condoms= sucking at life. buuuut.... david cross already beat me to making a joke about finding used condoms on city streets (listen to 'shut up you fucking baby') and the receipt for golden emblem (read: cvs' generic brand) peach rings and trojen enz speaks for itself...

already making good on those promises

all that talk about the internets really got me jonsin and after checking my horoscope i found this gem on craigslist missed connections. they are all pretty whack (although thank you to whoever it was that posted one about me (!!!) last fall, i was too creeped out to reply but it really did sort of make my day... and apparently my year, because im here writing about it now...) but this one is truly a homage to sucking at life. the real question is if by "sparx" she meant "sparks" and by "sparks" i mean the caffeinated malt liquor, not tiny electrical/ emotional currents...

handsome kamart man - w4m - 20 (cromwell)

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Date: 2009-08-06, 11:08PM EDT

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I saw you tonight at KMart. You were wearing a red employees polo shirt and had lnog dark hair and a little gotea. you looked like somewhere in your 20s (about the same as me!). I was the squat cheerful looking redhead drinking a moolatte and wearing a grey ESPRIT tshirt with the sleeves cut off and kakhi capri pants. i asked you if you carried blow up pool toys shaped like ducks cuz my kids have been driving me nuts. you pointed to the middle of the store and said if we have them they are there. call me crazy, but i felt the sparx. i know theres only a small chance youll read this but i can't get you out of my mind. If you felt the chemistry like I did lets talk. I bet we have a lot in common. I have a minivan and im a great cook. maybe i can come over and make you a delicious super sometime like baked mac and cheese. :)